Saturday, December 8, 2012

Who Nose? *shrugs*

I know the title sounds cheesy, abeg bear with me, that was the first thing came to mind.

About 3 Sundays ago, I caught this cold bug going round and it was so bad that I wasn't myself for a while. I couldn't smell or taste anything, In fact there was a point where I had to start breathing through my mouth since my nose was blocked. Oh the shame! I'm sure people were wondering why a grown woman was going round with her mouth partially open.

 Men! That was when I started appreciating what God gave me that I didn't really appreciate before. So in my usual style I decided to weigh the pros and cons of having a non-performing nose (smell wise)....enjoy!  
                THE PLUS SIDE.                                                      
 1.Say goodbye forever to the smell of urine soaked, open drainage and  stinking public toilets. If you are caught breaking traffic laws in Lagos, you can easily opt to wash the public toilets because you can't smell jack!
2.Say goodbye to the horrible, sweaty smell of your colleague's suit that he has refused to dry clean for the past 3 months ( what the heck is he doing with his  salary? Stingy goat! mschewww! ). Or that guy sitting too tightly beside you on the bus sweating profusely in his unwashed suit in our hot, hot,sun. Oh! Not forgetting the conductor's armpits too when he's busy stretching his arms over your head ( thereby exposing overgrown, unwashed, hairy armpits in the process) to collect his fare or give out change. 

  3. Say au revoir to stinky diapers forever! In fact you are qualified to work full time in a creche with that kind of special errr.. powers.                                                       
    4. Goodbye to office farts,bedroom farts, car/bus farts and thankfully, your farts too! (Yes, yours,don't lie!!) what you can't smell can't assault your nose. 
5. Goodbye to unwanted temptations. There you are coming from work jejely,carefully planning how to stretch your last #1,000 to last you through the week for transport and suddenly, the tantalizing smell of Suya gently wafts by from that Suya man's stall...... what you can't smell can't tempt you either.
  6. Yeah and that your friend with incurable dragon breath?? Worry no more 'cos your bread is buttered from that end forever! Men! You can even gist for a confined space without you passing out from the smell or hyperventilating.  
  7.If you trap any rat in your house and it decides to spitefully crawl into a tight, unreachable corner to die, you are spared the number of days it will take it to dry up and stop smelling (oh bliss!). 

 However, the down side  of not being able to smell.
      THE MINUS.  
 1. Burnt offering galore,especially when it escapes your mind that you have something cooking on the Burner. 

  2. You step on crap and you can't sniff it till you notice peeps are avoiding you or crossing to the other side when they are almost near you.
   3.House is burning and neighbours are fleeing for their lives, how una go sabi know when your nose no dey percieve smell??  
  4.And that dodgy food which has been in the fridge for some time, it looks absolutely okay vision wise but smells horrid ( ooopsy!! I can't smell! ),you wolf everything down and It's not until you wake up during the night with the urge to purge ( I rhymed!!) that you will remember that the food you ate was somehow somehow!

 Based on the analysis above I will rest my case in favor of having an efficient nose. why? very simple so person go do long throat chop sontin wey go wound person abi? No thanks.

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