Thursday, February 21, 2013

Delivered from Ekaette's clutches...Part 1

Hi everyone, It's been a spell (I apologise).Wish I had more hours to the 24 available. The death of Goldie shocked me when it happened.She was hale and hearty a few days before and gone just like that! We all need to take some time out to have regular check ups and whatnots.

Rest in Peace Susan Harvey a.k.a Goldie.God knows best.

Not been able to write any new stuff so I'm going to pick from my wordpress archive and post one of my favorites.....

You will notice if you have been  through my posts that most of my gists tend to be about pregnancy and the kids,not my fault o!  Na so I see am,they have bought me body and soul! Needless to say you are gonna see many more posts about them! My first pregnancy was very turbulent. I remember all the daily vomiting, excessive spitting, constant heartburn etc. 

Most memorable was my cravings for Chinese food  and different Traditional soups  like Oha, Afang, Efo riro, Edika -ikong, Ogbono e.t.c. accompanied with Yellow Eba (preferred choice!). 
It was never enough! In fact Oga tried! ( 9 marks out of 10 for patience and ability to deliver). What he went through in my hands ehn? Smh!! I can remember one particular day when we were on our way to Church for Mid-Week Service, We drove past one  "Lace Curtain Buka" along the road. My food radar went on alert!! ( Dear readers I had thrown decorum to the wind by then o).

The woman was cooking Vegetable soup jejely by the roadside, I wasn't looking at the environment, it was the Vegetable soup she was cooking that was tantalizing my eyes and nostrils, making my mouth water! Any form of acting "butti" had disappeared since.  I tapped Oga's arm as we drove past and pointed in her direction. " You want to eat her food?" he asked me. I nodded my head vigorously. " Road side food???" He asked me again in disbelief. I nodded vigorously again." Please don't even think about it! See the surrounding now! I think we should see the Doctor about this your new love for roadside  Buka food".(that wasnt the first time I had openly admired food from Roadside bukas in his presence during my pregnancy). Did I blame him? No, after all he wasn't the one pregnant with his hormones messing him up.

 I went off my cooking almost as soon as I got pregnant, so I started hunting for where to get my daily Vegetable soup and Swallow fix. As long as It wasn't my cooking I was game (My mum wasn't around and I didn't want to impose too much on my mum-in-law ). I eventually stumbled upon a "Food Joint", a slight walking distance from our abode and within the Estate we were staying.

It was a Residential building but they sold drinks and beer and the Sales girl there also used to  cook Rice, Yellow Eba,Semovita,Vegetable soup  on the side.That was how I met Ekaette. 

Dear readers, I  will bring you the concluding part in my next post.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Parking, little white lies and too much efizzi!

Hello peeps!

In my life time, I don't think I will be able to understand the way some people think, else why would you go and visit someone in House No 10 and park in such a way that people in House No 12 cannot drive out of their compound without turning to Michael Schumacher? 

I was running late that morning as usual and I hurriedly got myself ready to leave the house. I flung the gates open and behold! An unknown motorist parked in between our house and our landlord's house, making sure 1/3 of his car was blocking our driveway.

" Willow calm down, this is a new year o" I silently reminded myself with my nostrils flaring in disbelief at the car owner's effontry. If to say na the old Willow ehn, I would have brushed the back of the car blocking my way,the only thing that prevented me from doing so was

1. I no sabi brush car, I never try am before.Only in my dreams

 2. Na our landlord visitor ( rent go soon due,make landlord no vex increase house rent)

 3.Na Mercedes Benz jeep.I doubt if my Honda can survive my questionable/untried brushing skills (I've seen a mercedes car hit a wall before, the mercedes survived the impact, but the  poor wall came tumbling down like the walls of Jericho). 

4. Even if I manage dent the jeep small, na me go dey guilty and I know the person no go use roadside mechanic, na "Mercedes Auto workshop" for Lekki/Victoria island im go go repair am,gbese ni yen men!!

I couldn't be bothered hammering on the landlord's gate,didn't have the time for explanation, so I decided to wing it. 

I really shouldnt have cos I ended up hitting our gate....again!! What can I say, I'm a bad "reverser". My driving history is dotted with reversing "issues". Me that when security men try to make me  park in a tight corner I just blurt out "I don't know how to reverse,just give me an easy place to park if you don't want any wahala". Hian! You should see the speed they use to assign me alternative area to park.Yes ke! I'm shameless like that.

 I checked the damage.Nothing too obvious, mostly scratches and a small dent. Big relief. I made a mental note to myself to look for a rugged explanation for my new dent if Oga ever notices it. 

Lie 1: "Imagine! It was one Danfo bus driver I didn't give chance" 

Lie 2: "These okada drivers are so reckless, one of them hit my car nii!".

I know I'm lying now,but It's a well known fact that most of them are always high on warrefer and reckless to boot.

 Imagine the embarrasment of admitting to Oga that I hit the gate again. Willow!otun otun ti kolu gate!( you have hit the gate again) international driver!! 

D1 was given an assignment from School over the weekend to write a summary of his favorite story book and make it into a booklet. I bought cardboards,cut them out and made a booklet and got him to write the story in his own writing. He submitted on Monday. 

Imagine my surprise when I got to his class to pick him that afternoon and saw one of his classmate's "assignment" on the teacher's table, It was professionally typed, bound gummed and the child's photo was pasted in front for effect! Apparently I'm not the only parent suffering from CMS (competitive mum syndrome). Haba! Primary 3 doing assignment like an undergraduate, making the rest of us look unserious. What is the child going to do when he's in the University? Ehn?

 D1's teacher explained that the student's mum owns a cyber cafe which explains the efizzi, No wonder! I know the School always encourage Parental involvement in homeworks,projects e.t.c  but what's the point if the parent does all the homework and the child doesn't even contribute in any way to get it done? Where does one draw the line?

Friday, February 1, 2013

Women and their Wahala.

Happy New month people.Here's praying the month of February will bring us all what we have been praying for and more.

So last Sunday we finally got to church and we were a bit late. I got the children settled into their various classes and got their tags. Yesoo! That's what the world has turned into when even within the church premises, children are no longer safe and no one can be trusted 100 percent. God help us all! 

So Oga and yours truely made our way to the main church building and the Ushers led us to our seats. There was a lady seated to my left with an empty seat separating us and Oga to my right. The invited Minister was saying some powerful declarations and prayers and you know how it is, some people get up to claim it (even d wan wey no concern dem, dem dey claim am!).

 Na so d babe beside me started shouting, raising and waving her hand, not to the top o! but sideways. I kept calm, afterall na inside house of God we dey and na the same God we come worship. But I noticed her hand kept swinging nearer and nearer my face every time she waved it, which was frequent. e be like say dis babe wan take style give me Holy ghost slap or pluck my left eye in praise o! Wetin I go do if e happen? Stay calm and say "Oh it's okay,no problem" while rubbing my stinging cheek or covering my watering, red eye OR  Slap/ chook my own back?? 

Then she flung her hand again missing my eye by half an inch!! Hian! Wetin! Na only she dey church?? I felt a tap from Oga and he asked "Willow, Is she trying to remove your eye?" Apparently he had noticed the increasing proximity of the lady's hand towards my face. I replied "I don't know o! I thought I was imagining it". I shifted nearer to him to make more room for the spirit filled sister and also save my face from a hot slap. She got the hint and started getting up instead and flinging her hand upwards. 

Thank God, make I no add sin on top sin in the house of God cos I no fit guarantee I no go slap my own back, but not becos i dey vex *reflex action tinz*

 Between, I  Wonder why some women would neglect basic hygiene like not using ordinary deodorant. I am not being mean, but in this our hot, stifling weather,It is very necessary. Even if you don't mind your sweaty smell, It might be offensive to someone else. 

 Two ladies strolled into my Shop yesterday afternoon and I almost fainted. They were dressed smartly and you could see they had stepped out from their office. The main buyer was the one sweating heavily, It was as if she applied sweat scented roll on. Hian! It was bad! I sweat too but not the type that would make you want to recklessly reach for your air freshner while the nasal offender is still around.How woman sweat go dey smell like labourer own wey dey offload cargo for Apapa port? How manage??

 Fortunately,Unfortunately I didn't have the size of the kind of top she wanted for her daughter. Yet the woman sat down and kept on window shopping and chatting with her friend. In desperation, I started pointing out other places they could go to within the Plaza, but they had been to all the places I mentioned (Ye! I was trapped!). We made more small talk and they finally left. Ah! Big relief!! Five minutes later, the sweaty odour was still lingering! (I couldn't locate my air freshner). 

Just when the air finally cleared, She turned up again!!!! Ahn! Ahn! Ta ni moo se? (Who did I offend?). I quickly got up to meet her by the door. They had gone round the other shops in the Plaza  again and they  still didn't get what she wanted,they wanted more suggestions on where else they could go. I described another shop location which was about 20 minutes walk but much shorter by car. She and her friend decided to walk o! Sweat on top sweat! I can't shout! By the time she gets to that shop....smh.