Nah! This isn't a love story. Where do I start from? As you are aware from one of my older posts, I am not crazy about dogs. It's quite unfortunate Oga loves them. One of our resident dogs, Hun na maaad dog! As in!!! D dog kolo mental small. E get serious bad belle for me. I know what I'm talking about.
Hun has been steadily and systematically chewing on my license plate since he moved in. If a dog can chew on metal without sweat, imagine if it eventually bites someone *mentally rebuking the image*. Several beatings from Oga has not stopped this dirty habit. The plate is now so disfigured and chunks are missing from the edges. That aside, when he sees the route I take to put on the generator(I have to meander in between cars parked in the compound), he craps all along the route so that when I'm going to put off the gen( the lights are a bit dull outside at night)I end up almost stepping in or actually stepping in his mess.It's always like I'm on an obstacle course (I changed my route and he started crapping along the new route as well).
Unfortunately, I've had the misfortune of stepping in his crap a couple of times and I had to throw away my precious, fluffy bedroom slippers ( I hate you Hun!) I can imagine his glee in his doggy mind
Hun: Binsh!Take dat! My trap don cash you today. He he he *evil dog lafter*.
After ranting, raking and complaining to Oga with no luck, I gave up and held my peace. So about a week ago while setting out to drop the children in school, I found my license plate chewed on again and curled up like half opened sardine. I lost it! I called Oga and vented my anger and screamed for blood . Eventually for the sake of peace, Oga "settled me" in advance with the cash equivalent of a puppy he had promised me earlier. Ah!!! Men!! Settlement/bribery/
Hmmmm.....Nowadays, I have mellowed and all the dog stuff that used to irritate seems soo trivial and dismissable now. I'm even civil towards the said animal. eg
1.Seeing huge bags of frozen dog food in my freezer.
BEFORE: Ahn! Ahn! What is this nau? The dog food is taking up so much space, I think the dogs need their own freezer!I'm fed up!
NOW: sweerie, I've cleared more space in the freezer for the frozen food you bought for the dogs, I can divide them into smaller bags for you if you want, its no trouble at all.
2. Dogs crapping outside anyhow.
BEFORE: I go just hiss and close the door and the windows and throw insults and abuses in the dogs' direction for spoiling breeze for us.
NOW: Hun! How naughty of you! Mercy! Please come and clean up this mess outside before daddy comes back.
3. Hun chewing my license plate.
BEFORE: You this stupid dog, does it look like biscuit bone to you?ehn? I will press that your mouth with my tyres if you try me again!
NOW: Hun! Ah pele o! I'm sure you must be thirsty from all that chewing, Oya take some water to wash it down.
4.Hun crapping along my route to the generator.
BEFORE: Were ni aja yi sha! Wo moo ma poison e nile yii!( Dis dog is crazy, imma poison you in this house)
NOW: The moron no dey take to correction, so experience being the best teacher, I make sure I hold a torch when stepping out to put off the gen. at night. I don become official Solicitor and Advocate for Hun..... until the windfall finishes of course *covers face in shame*.
God dey! Lovely weekend all.