tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34770998223033774422024-03-13T23:15:03.853-07:00Overwhelmed Naija MumSurviving Lagos stress with humor all the way.willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-63103001097729706952013-03-28T16:12:00.000-07:002013-03-28T16:12:18.401-07:00Delivered from Ekaette's clutches...part 2<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Hello peeps! so sorry i've been MIA for a while.....too many things to do and too little time. The concluding part of my story.......</i></span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Ekaette was the Sales girl/Cook. Her menu was quite limited, It was either" Ugwu soup day" or" Egusi soup day" and the soups both had one thing in common..... Dodgy meat (A.k.a spoilt meat) . She was always buying meat from those roving butchers (after the butcher waka waka all over Lagos and beyond, he would now offload the rest of the unsold beef on Ekaette late in the evening ). I guess she was just thinking cheap. </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Oga stumbled upon my secret rendezvous in Ekaette's Food Joint and banned me from going there again, especially when I confessed to him that the meat was always tasting off and I was always throwing up after eating Ekaette's "Soup"! "Please Willow, don't harm my unborn child with all these your ijekuje, If you want Vegetable soup, when I get back from work I will take you out to buy it (we were staying off Allen Avenue then, plenty Fast Food Joint around). Just stop going there!" "Okay, I've heard" I would respond meekly. </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next day, as soon as Oga stepped out to go to work, I'd rush to the kitchen, wash two bowls and pack it ready for Ekaette's "delicacy" for the day. As soon as it was 11am, I would waddle to Ekaette's place swinging my nylon bag with the two empty bowls in it. One bowl for morning meal and one for the afternoon meal (Oga would sort out evening swallow when he got back from work). Then I would go back home and eat Ekaette's half cooked,watery, peppery, appetite- killing Egusi soup with dodgy meat! 10 minutes after consuming the food, I would throw up! ( Her Ugwu soup tasted better but the meat was still baaad!).</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> After throwing up I would swear off her food but the next day I would go back there again! I still can't explain why I kept going back there though. Could it be because of</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">1. Ekaette's Charming personality? (She barely acknowledged my "good mornings" when I used to go over) OR her</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2.Culinary skillz? (I wish!) OR even her</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> 3.Customer service skillz? (Ekaette*responding to a customer*: No rush me na! I dey come! Hisss!). </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hmmm...I think not.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I wasn't mobile so I guess it was the nearest available place for me.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You would think that Ekaette's rude attitude, dodgy meat and me constantly throwing up would cure me of Ekaette's cooking, Na lie!! It was a vicious cycle.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My Deliverance from Ekaette's cooking clutches came last week of December of that year (2004) when Ekaette travelled to the village for the Christmas/ New Year period. You would think being her regular customer for over two months she would have had the courtesy to inform me in advance (I thought we had "bonded" o!) of her trip, well she didn't.(Hmmm....I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that I told her to stop buying/cooking dodgy meat?). </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I waited till the New year to resume my "patronage", Ekaette never turned up for the two weeks I consistently <strike> stalked </strike> visited that place. Then, I stopped going over and simply lost interest just like that( Halleluyah!). She later came back around the last week of January,but by then I had moved on jor! Oga was none the wiser.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Thank God! When I think back and remember all of Ekaette's dishes that I consumed, I still shake my head in disbelief and horror. D2's pregnancy was quite tame. D3's pregnancy is another story for another day!</span></em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-13826304827373214232013-02-21T11:14:00.000-08:002013-02-21T11:16:23.095-08:00Delivered from Ekaette's clutches...Part 1<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Hi everyone, It's been a spell (I apologise).Wish I had more hours to the 24 available. The death of Goldie shocked me when it happened.She was hale and hearty a few days before and gone just like that! We all need to take some time out to have regular check ups and whatnots.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Rest in Peace Susan Harvey a.k.a Goldie.God knows best.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">N</span></i><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><i>ot been able to write any new stuff so I'm going to pick from my wordpress archive and post one of my favorites.....</i></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>You will notice if you have been through my posts that most of my gists tend to be about pregnancy and the kids,not my fault o! Na so I see am,they have bought me body and soul! Needless to say you are gonna see many more posts about them! My first pregnancy was very turbulent. I remember all the daily vomiting, excessive spitting, constant heartburn etc. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Most memorable was my cravings for Chinese food and different Traditional soups like Oha, Afang, Efo riro, Edika -ikong, Ogbono e.t.c. accompanied with Yellow Eba (preferred choice!). </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>It was never enough! In fact Oga tried! ( 9 marks out of 10 for patience and ability to deliver). What he went through in my hands ehn? Smh!! I can remember one particular day when we were on our way to Church for Mid-Week Service, We drove past one "Lace Curtain Buka" along the road. My food radar went on alert!! ( Dear readers I had thrown decorum to the wind by then o).</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>The woman was cooking Vegetable soup jejely by the roadside, I wasn't looking at the environment, it was the Vegetable soup she was cooking that was tantalizing my eyes and nostrils, making my mouth water! Any form of acting "butti" had disappeared since. I tapped Oga's arm as we drove past and pointed in her direction. " You want to eat her food?" he asked me. I nodded my head vigorously. " Road side food???" He asked me again in disbelief. I nodded vigorously again." Please don't even think about it! See the surrounding now! I think we should see the Doctor about this your new love for roadside Buka food".(that wasnt the first time I had openly admired food from Roadside bukas in his presence during my pregnancy). Did I blame him? No, after all he wasn't the one pregnant with his hormones messing him up.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i> I went off my cooking almost as soon as I got pregnant, so I started hunting for where to get my daily Vegetable soup and Swallow fix. As long as It wasn't my cooking I was game (My mum wasn't around and I didn't want to impose too much on my mum-in-law ). I eventually stumbled upon a "Food Joint", a slight walking distance from our abode and within the Estate we were staying.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>It was a Residential building but they sold drinks and beer and the Sales girl there also used to cook Rice, Yellow Eba,Semovita,Vegetable soup on the side.That was how I met Ekaette. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Dear readers, I will bring you the concluding part in my next post.</i></span></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-71939375510586070362013-02-06T13:51:00.000-08:002013-02-06T13:51:02.428-08:00Parking, little white lies and too much efizzi!<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i><i>Hello peeps!<br /><br />In my life time, I don't think I will be able to understand the way some people think, else why would you go and visit someone in House No 10 and park in such a way that people in House No 12 cannot drive out of their compound without turning to Michael Schumacher? </i></span><br />
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I was running late that morning <strike>as usual</strike> and I hurriedly got myself ready to leave the house. I flung the gates open and behold! An unknown motorist parked in between our house and our landlord's house, making sure 1/3 of his car was blocking our driveway.</i></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">" Willow calm down, this is a new year o" I silently reminded myself with my nostrils flaring in disbelief at the car owner's effontry. If to say na the old Willow ehn, I would have brushed the back of the car blocking my way,the only thing that prevented me from doing so was</span></i><br />
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1. I no sabi brush car, I never try am before.<strike>Only in my dreams</strike></i></span><br />
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2. Na our landlord visitor ( rent go soon due,make landlord no vex increase house rent)</i></span><br />
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3.Na Mercedes Benz jeep.I doubt if my Honda can survive my questionable/untried brushing skills (I've seen a mercedes car hit a wall before, the mercedes survived the impact, but the poor wall came tumbling down like the walls of Jericho). </i></span><br />
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4. Even if I manage dent the jeep small, na me go dey guilty and I know the person no go use roadside mechanic, na "Mercedes Auto workshop" for Lekki/Victoria island im go go repair am,gbese ni yen men!!</i></span><br />
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I couldn't be bothered hammering on the landlord's gate,didn't have the time for explanation, so I decided to wing it. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i><i>I really shouldnt have cos I ended up hitting our gate....again!! What can I say, I'm a bad "reverser". My driving history is dotted with reversing "issues". Me that when security men try to make me park in a tight corner I just blurt out "I don't know how to reverse,just give me an easy place to park if you don't want any wahala". Hian! You should see the speed they use to assign me alternative area to park.Yes ke! I'm shameless like that.</i></span><br />
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I checked the damage.Nothing too obvious, mostly scratches and a small dent. Big relief. I made a mental note to myself to look for a rugged explanation for my new dent if Oga ever notices it. </i></span><br />
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Lie 1: "Imagine! It was one Danfo bus driver I didn't give chance" </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i><i>Lie 2: "These okada drivers are so reckless, one of them hit my car nii!".</i></span><br />
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I know I'm lying now,but It's a well known fact that most of them are always high on warrefer and reckless to boot.</i></span><br />
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Imagine the embarrasment of admitting to Oga that I hit the gate again. Willow!otun otun ti kolu gate!( you have hit the gate again) international driver!! </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>D1 was given an assignment from School over the weekend to write a summary of his favorite story book and make it into a booklet. I bought cardboards,cut them out and made a booklet and got him to write the story in his own writing. He submitted on Monday. </i></span><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Imagine my surprise when I got to his class to pick him that afternoon and saw one of his classmate's "assignment" on the teacher's table, It was professionally typed, <strike>bound</strike> gummed and the child's photo was pasted in front for effect! Apparently I'm not the only parent suffering from CMS (competitive mum syndrome). Haba! Primary 3 doing assignment like an undergraduate, making the rest of us look unserious. What is the child going to do when he's in the University? Ehn?</i><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> D1's teacher explained that the student's mum owns a cyber cafe which explains the efizzi, No wonder! I know the School always encourage Parental involvement in homeworks,projects e.t.c but what's the point if the parent does all the homework and the child doesn't even contribute in any way to get it done? Where does one draw the line?</i></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-55784021656254039662013-02-01T00:45:00.000-08:002013-02-04T04:08:14.720-08:00 Women and their Wahala.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Happy New month people.Here's praying the month of February will bring us all what we have been praying for and more.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So last Sunday we finally got to church and we were a bit late</span></i><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">. I got the children settled into their various classes and got their tags. Yesoo! That's what the world has turned into when even within the church premises, children are no longer safe and no one can be trusted 100 percent. God help us all! </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So Oga and yours truely made our way to the main church building and the Ushers led us to our seats. There was a lady seated to my left with an empty seat separating us and Oga to my right. The invited Minister was saying some powerful declarations and prayers and you know how it is, some people get up to claim it (even d wan wey no concern dem, dem dey claim am!).</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Na so d babe beside me started shouting, raising and waving her hand, not to the top o! but sideways. I kept calm, afterall na inside house of God we dey and na the same God we come worship. But I noticed her hand kept swinging nearer and nearer my face every time she waved it, which was frequent. Hmmm....mm e be like say dis babe wan take style give me Holy ghost slap or pluck my left eye in praise o! Wetin I go do if e happen? Stay calm and say "Oh it's okay,no problem" while rubbing my stinging cheek or covering my watering, red eye <span style="color: red;">OR</span> Slap/ chook my own back?? </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then she flung her hand again missing my eye by half an inch!! Hian! Wetin! Na only she dey church?? I felt a tap from Oga and he asked "Willow, Is she trying to remove your eye?" Apparently he had noticed the increasing proximity of the lady's hand towards my face. I replied "I don't know o! I thought I was imagining it". I shifted nearer to him to make more room for the spirit filled sister and also save my face from a hot slap. She got the hint and started getting up instead and flinging her hand upwards. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Thank God, make I no add sin on top sin in the house of God cos I no fit guarantee I no go slap my own back, but not becos i dey vex *reflex action tinz*</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Between, I Wonder why some women would neglect basic hygiene like not using ordinary deodorant. I am not being mean, but in this our hot, stifling weather,It is very necessary. Even if you don't mind your sweaty smell, It might be offensive to someone else. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Two ladies strolled into my Shop yesterday afternoon and I almost fainted. They were dressed smartly and you could see they had stepped out from their office. The main buyer was the one sweating heavily, It was as if she applied sweat scented roll on. Hian! It was bad! I sweat too but not the type that would make you want to recklessly reach for your air freshner while the nasal offender is still around.How woman sweat go dey smell like labourer own wey dey offload cargo for Apapa port? How manage??</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><strike> Fortunately</strike>,Unfortunately I didn't have the size of the kind of top she wanted for her daughter. Yet the woman sat down and kept on window shopping and chatting with her friend. In desperation, I started pointing out other places they could go to within the Plaza, but they had been to all the places I mentioned (Ye! I was trapped!). We made more small talk and they finally left. Ah! Big relief!! Five minutes later, the sweaty odour was still lingering! (I couldn't locate my air freshner). </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just when the air finally cleared, She turned up again!!!! Ahn! Ahn! Ta ni moo se? (Who did I offend?). I quickly got up to meet her by the door. They had gone round the other shops in the Plaza again and they still didn't get what she wanted,they wanted more suggestions on where else they could go. I described another shop location which was about 20 minutes walk but much shorter by car. She and her friend decided to walk o! Sweat on top sweat! I can't shout! By the time she gets to that shop....smh.</span></i><br />
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-52230904717852942352013-01-28T03:56:00.000-08:002013-01-28T03:56:58.025-08:00Boys Vs GIrls.<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Permit me to go all mummy on you guys, but has anyone ever noticed how boring it is to shop for boys in comparison to girls? Honestly! When I'm shopping for my girls, it's as if I'm shopping for younger versions of myself. The styles are endless! Leggings,jeggings,crop pants, tops with bling blings, dresses,denim skirts etc. I love buying similar clothing for them,they always look so cute, D2 doing big sister and D3 looking like her mini -me.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I've even gone to d extent of buying similar stuff for myself to match a few of their attires sef *solidarity/agabaya tinz* I won't even start with the shoes: wedges,ballet flats,blinged out shoes and sandals and sketchers *sigh*.Everything you can get for an adult female you can get the smaller version for girls. It takes me the whole of our vacation time to finish their shopping because of all the varieties available.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When it comes to D1's shopping,the story is reversed. I can finish his shopping in two hours!Honestly!! It's sooooo monotonous. e.g </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shirts- long or short sleeves</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">T-shirts- long or short sleeves</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Polo tops- long or short sleeves.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Shikena!!I can do his shopping half awake without any stress .Trousers sef na long one or shorts. Even the traditional attire for my State is either long or short sleeve buba and sokoto. Short of boys wearing girls stuff I don't see anyway out of this fashion dilemma. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shoes nko? sneakers,trekkers,loafers and boots. Hmmmm.... is it any wonder some trendy guys throw caution to the wind and wear daring stuff like jeggings, cowl neck tops,shoes with heels etc.Sometimes I can't even confirm if i'm seeing a guy or a babe from the back until I actually see the face. Okay, I'm done.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>From reading this post, you will discover unfortunately that</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i> 1. It doesn't make Jonathan anymore focused about running the country or Dame less prone to gbagauns at local and International levels.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i> 2.It doesn't make D1 to stop asking me nastily everytime if I'm pregnant or I've just finished eating a meal (how rude!)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>3.It won't stop motor park touts and danfo drivers from using hemp as toothbrush/chewing stick and gin as mouth wash in the morrin before ferrying innocent, clueless passengers to their various destinations </i></span><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4.It doesn't stop daft drug mules from heading to Malaysia, even though na death penalty await them if caught and found guilty. </i><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5.It won'tdeter thieves and pickpockets from stealing in Oshodi market (of all places!) </i><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And finally.....</i><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6.It wont stop "the Police is your friend" from collecting their #20 egunje.</i></div>
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-16798194222843177142013-01-22T11:32:00.000-08:002013-01-22T11:35:57.547-08:00Dear Readers: My Neighbor and the Gardener<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />My immediate neighbors are our landlord on one side and a couple whom I will refer to as Mr and Mrs Kilode on the other side. From what I've observed in the past few months, Mr Kilode has moved out and only comes around once in a while. When he does, Mrs Kilode doesn't grant him audience. He can be outside in his car for hours honking for someone to open the gates for him but Mrs Kilode no send am at all.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Mrs Kilode has also refused to spend a single kobo on the maintenance of the house and its surroundings. Consequently, the flower beds outside that we share is very overgrown at their end and the bins are over filled and spilling out with rubbish accumulated over the months,which leads me to my problem.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mr Kilode on one of his rare visits gave the contract of <strike>hacking</strike> trimming their flower beds to one of the Estate gardeners but he hasn't paid the gardener for the past 3 weeks. As I mentioned earlier, he hardly ever comes around.As a result the gardener has been loitering a lot on our street. Of course Mrs Kilode sees the gardener every time she steps out or goes into their compound, she even sends him on errands but she's not moved to pay him. I doubt if the fee is up to 4,000 naira.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> The gardener, who by now has bonded with madam, took the relationship to the next level and decided to turn the flower beds to "Home away from home" i.e he sleeps in the flower beds morning,afternoon and night. He has even put up cardboard boxes and *in his mind* tastefully covered them with torn nylon for added comfort. It is an eyesore. I know the guy though we don't use his services. I advised him to leave a note and his number for Mr Kilode to give him a call OR come around during the day instead of creeping around the flower beds at night and scaring passersby. He thanked me for the suggestion and disappeared for 2 days or so. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My relief was short lived when he turned up again on the 3rd day. Mschewww!! I was tempted to report him to the Estate Security but the Aluu4 incident is still very fresh in my mind. I don't want to cause any unnecessary trouble for anyone. I decided to mind my business and face my lane.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Over time, the flower beds became littered with pure water nylons and other debris courtesy of the gardener. Yesterday, I saw a few clothes strategically spread on the flowers to dry and a bucket. Shuo!! It's like the guy is gradually moving stuff from his rented place to the flower beds. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do I keep calm until.... </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. I see kerosene stove and pots placed conspicuously in his new home </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> 2. I see his bathing sponge,shimi, bozzers and towel spread on the flowers to dry </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. He knocks on my gate to fetch water to have his bath or use our Guest toilet </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. He knocks on my gate to borrow matches, palm oil or a cup of garri </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5.He comes over to have a neighborly chitchat and a cuppa </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. He extends his residential quarters to our flower bed in the hope of carving out a sitting and dining area</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">before I start panicking and report him? </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know the guy is there because he wants to claim the wages he worked for and all but that is no justification for moving into the flower beds. What do I do? Report or Ignore? </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yours Sincerely,</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Very worried blogger.</span></i><br />
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-74790103538598033212013-01-19T13:45:00.000-08:002013-01-21T04:13:16.149-08:00Hun and I,Our Story.<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><br />Nah! This isn't a love story. Where do I start from? As you are aware from one of my older posts, I am not crazy about dogs. It's quite unfortunate Oga loves them. One of our resident dogs, Hun na maaad dog! As in!!! D dog kolo mental small. E get serious bad belle for me. I know what I'm talking about.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Hun has been steadily and systematically chewing on my license plate since he moved in. If a dog can chew on metal without sweat, imagine if it eventually bites someone *mentally rebuking the image*. Several beatings from Oga has not stopped this dirty habit. The plate is now so disfigured and chunks are missing from the edges. That aside, when he sees the route I take to put on the generator(I have to meander in between cars parked in the compound), he craps all along the route so that when I'm going to put off the gen( the lights are a bit dull outside at night)I end up almost stepping in or actually stepping in his mess.It's always like I'm on an obstacle course (I changed my route and he started crapping along the new route as well).</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, I've had the misfortune of stepping in his crap a couple of times and I had to throw away my precious, fluffy bedroom slippers ( I hate you Hun!) I can imagine his glee in his doggy mind </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hun: Binsh!Take dat! My trap don cash you today. He he he *evil dog lafter*. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After ranting, raking and complaining to Oga with no luck, I gave up and held my peace. So about a week ago while setting out to drop the children in school, I found my license plate chewed on again and curled up like half opened sardine. I lost it! I called Oga and vented my anger and screamed for blood . Eventually for the sake of peace, Oga "settled me" in advance with the cash equivalent of a puppy he had promised me earlier. Ah!!! Men!! Settlement/bribery/<wbr></wbr>compensation/egunje na good tin o!! A happy wife means a happy life or warrefer! My vex disappeared wan time. I'm beginning to have a little understanding of why Politics in this Country is a Do or Die affair.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Hmmmm.....Nowadays, I have mellowed and all the dog stuff that used to irritate seems soo trivial and dismissable now. I'm even civil towards the said animal. eg</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b> 1.Seeing huge bags of frozen dog food in my freezer. </b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>BEFORE:</b> Ahn! Ahn! What is this nau? The dog food is taking up so much space, I think the dogs need their own freezer!I'm fed up! </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>NOW:</b> sweerie, I've cleared more space in the freezer for the frozen food you bought for the dogs, I can divide them into smaller bags for you if you want, its no trouble at all.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <b>2. Dogs crapping outside anyhow.</b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>BEFORE: </b>I go just hiss and close the door and the windows and throw insults and abuses in the dogs' direction for spoiling breeze for us. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>NOW:</b> Hun! How naughty of you! Mercy! Please come and clean up this mess outside before daddy comes back. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>3. Hun chewing my license plate.</b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <b>BEFORE</b>: You this stupid dog, does it look like biscuit bone to you?ehn? I will press that your mouth with my tyres if you try me again!</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b> NOW: </b>Hun! Ah pele o! I'm sure you must be thirsty from all that chewing, Oya take some water to wash it down.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <b>4.Hun crapping along my route to the generator</b>.<b> </b></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>BEFORE:</b> Were ni aja yi sha! Wo moo ma poison e nile yii!( Dis dog is crazy, imma poison you in this house)</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>NOW:</b> The moron no dey take to correction, so experience being the best teacher, I make sure I hold a torch when stepping out to put off the gen. at night. I don become official Solicitor and Advocate for Hun..... until the windfall finishes of course *covers face in shame*. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God dey! Lovely weekend all.</span></i><br />
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-23051667830062379362013-01-15T04:11:00.000-08:002013-01-21T04:11:35.256-08:00Dis Harmattan Again!! Hian!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /><br />Hello peeps, its been a spell and my end has been quiet (and very boring,hence the difficulty in blogging). School has resumed fully and everybody is trying to adjust and settle into their various routines. The only alarming thing I've been witnessing since January is the fire outbreaks happening randomly all over the country. I will attribute it to the extremely dry harmattan weather we have been experiencing making everything inflammable extra dry and ready to burn. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Fear catch me no be small. I'm always extra careful with matches now,especially with where I keep them and candles are not allowed again. Dis wan wey person go plead blood of Jesus before lighting a match stick, fire is not my portion in Jesus name. I no dey sing "dis geh is on faya!" By Alicia Keys again sef ( o di kwa risky), at least until we take leg enter rainy season.Do have a blessed week ahead.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br />p.s just heard a guy on Galaxy TV attributting his abilities to do "sezy dances" as a gift from God.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>I cannot talk.#Okbye.</i></span>willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-60345573938050557552013-01-15T03:33:00.000-08:002013-01-15T03:33:42.605-08:00Random Questions that seriously baffle me<br />
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<em>1. Why do women squeeze their lips like they just finished sucking lemon when they are driving? ( I do it too!) And they can be so aggressive when driving, especially to other women, dem no dey give shance. Na fight???</em><br />
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<em>2. Why would a woman pack like 20 colourful hair ruffles on her baby's daughter's head that has just about a handful of hair? It doesn't distract any one from noticing the lack of hair, but rather, draws attention to it!</em><br />
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<em>3. Why are most Okada drivers suicidal? Do they think the helmets they wear has some kind of magical, invisible armour that can protect them? And they don't know jack about traffic rules.</em><br />
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<em>4.Why is it that when I finally put on the generator after giving up on PHCN to bring light, they bring light 5 minutes later, and as soon as I turn off the generator, they take the light again? Arrrgh!!! Playing mind games with me.</em><br />
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<em>6.Why do some women have hairlines almost touching their eyebrows (selfishness if you ask me) and full sideburns (showing off!) and even small bia bia (aseju!)? The height of insensitivity towards other women with hairline "challenges". God dey!</em><br />
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<em>7. Why do peeps fart in confined spaces?? Worse if its an air-conditioned confined space (hope people are aware that fart carries the owner's unique smell/ perfume with it like a signature scent).</em><br />
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<em>8. Why is it that when I take pains to make tasty meals like fried rice and beef stir-fry for my kids they won't eat it, but when I'm jejely munching bread and suya or soaking garri and suya they won't let me eat in peace?(Shortening my ration).</em><br />
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<em>9.Why is it that when I'm just finishing off a wonderful meal and savouring the last mouthful or tooth picking after a meal, that's when D1 or D2 decide to do "Number 2" and start screaming for my attention from the loo? (well co-ordinated attack!).</em><br />
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<em>10.Why did I write this post?</em><br />
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<em>P.S: Hope y'all had a wonderful weekend. Been finding it difficult to blog so this post is just to buy time and occupy space :)</em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-73450138746742338262013-01-06T15:24:00.000-08:002013-01-06T15:29:25.428-08:0013 Random,silly things you should never,ever try...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Another one of my fav. posts from WordPress.Enjoy!!</i></span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hello peeps! Some words of "wisdom" that I want to share with you, who knows *shrugs* someone might actually find them useful.....</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> 1. Never use your thighs or your face to test the hotness of an iron, especially when the iron is plugged .Of all places to test it on! I can't shout.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. Never try to swallow boiled eggs whole. Need I say more? That statement already explains itself, attempting it is the very height of stupidity ,unless of course you are a snake.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. Avoid eating an excessive amount of Ugwu/ Efo riro ( fresh, green, leafy vegetables cooked with pepper) or dairy products (especially those with "lactose-intolerance" issues) before setting out for a loong road trip. If you do decide to go ahead and damn the consequence, just make sure you pack old News papers and toilet roll in your hand luggage and pray the Bus driver is sympathetic enough to stop for you when you start feeling that sweaty, uncontrollable urge to download your bowel content.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. For the ladies...wearing sleeveless tops without shaving them 'pits and also trying to shave your facial hair.....big No! No! (They will come back in full force with all their family members).</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5.During overnight trips on buses, If you find yourself seated in a window seat, watch out for the passenger seated directly in front of you in case he/she wants to spit or rinse his/her mouth with water (especially if you happen to have your head out at that time), chances are high that his/her mouth content will land squarely on your face if you are not alert, especially when the bus is moving very fast ( may God help you if your mouth is slightly open at that time!)</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> 6.Don't attempt to spit while upside down because it will end up in your nose! (Abeg! It didn't happen to me o!)</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">7.If you are a guy, never piss in the wind! ( That's a Classic, I just had to include it).</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> 8.Don't go to the toilet with your mobile phone in your pocket (Eeeewwww!!!! Yep! It happened twice to someone I know), this is also applicable when you are at the beach( that happened to me recently).</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">9. Don't put foil paper or foil pack in the microwave *sigh* Unfortunately, some people still make this " mistake" even as I type.....</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> 10.For the babes, do not attempt to go for a night drive on 3rd Mainland bridge with a friend/toaster whose car never seems to have enough fuel or is faulty ( ha! ha! ha! I won't mention names).</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11. Never, ever try to separate two agberos (touts) fighting, rather, RUN!! That is not the time for you to practise your perceived "Agbero Whisperer Skillz".</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">12.For the ladies that leave home very early for work, never attempt to apply your "make up" at that time of the morning without adequate sunlight, you are going to end up looking like a clown, or worse, a masquerade, especially if you used candle light to apply it.</span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><em> 13. Ladies, we all know Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, however, If you know words like "beautiful","lovely" or even "fine" has never been used to describe you, don't even think of going for a Beauty Pageant, not even when those wicked, wicked </em><em> friends or" frenemies" try to convince you otherwise (na big set-up and disgrace dey await you biko)</em></span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> P.S: Believe it or not, all these things did happen. 50% of the above statements are contributions from readers and the rest.......hmmm........my lips are sealed!</span></em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-67820094742653964002013-01-05T14:14:00.000-08:002013-01-05T14:15:35.797-08:00New Year, Harmattan and Lip gloss.<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /> Before I say anything.......HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Thank God we are alive to see 2013 (yeah, I know I'm late, but berra late than never). I pray that what the Lord will do in our lives this Year 2013 will surpass our expectations, Amen. I wish to say a very big "Thank you" to all the various readers and fellow bloggers that stopped by my blogs (on WordPress and Blogspot) and to those that left comments. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> A special shout out to my UK and US readers, you guys truly rock!! I hope you can find your way here after my err....Word Press fiasco/blunder.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> The year started on a very good note and I'm all fired up and ready to go. The only thing wey dey baffle me na dis harmattan wey stylishly stroll in, siddon and cross leg with the month of January. My lips are dehydrated and in agony. Hian! Wetin I do you na harmattan?? Every time now na to apply lip gloss, the glossier the better and nothing is safe from my fingers i.e I can use any thing as long as it can reduce dryness; Pears baby oil,puff puff oil, body lotion, diesel, hair cream ( I hope I won't end up growing hair on my lips....eeeewww!!). </i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> A few instances, I've caught myself applying vegetable oil to my lips while I was frying shicken/ dodo (Yes, It's that bad). The last time I was careless enough to allow my lips to crack and I tasted the Ofada sauce( very hot pepper sauce) I was cooking......hmmmm.....oush!! Lemme just leave it as that </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(my poor lips are still tingling with pain in remembrance).</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> The children are not spared either from the weather, not moisturizing their skin heavily leaves them white, as if they rolled around in Elubo (yam flour) and white powder. D2 and D3 go around with pouting lips now, no thanks to harmattan 'cos I keep applying lip gloss for them, don't blame me o, blame the harmattan. Me that used to yab parents on the programme "Toddlers and Tiaras", I didn't know my own was coming. Issorai, at least I can justify my actions. Let's see how the year goes, you guys have a fabulous weekend.</i></span></div>
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-74335115295701171402012-12-23T10:23:00.000-08:002012-12-23T13:28:06.883-08:00Hair today,gone tomorrow.....<br />
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<em>Today's post will focus on my hair or my lack of it. My hair "issues" was brought about by my own handi work, all in the name of following hair trends. It all started from my University days, after the freedom from Boarding house rules of weaving hair. As soon as I gained admission to Unilag,youthful exuberance took over! I started making every hairstyle I had always wanted to make. There was a time "Patra" was the reigning hairstyle (thick fat braids touching the waist). Mine didn't go as far as my waist but I tried sha." Ah! Willow! You know you inherited my Mother-In-Law's hair", my mum would shout, "and you are doing this kind of hairstyle?? "You will give yourself neck problems" my dad would warn me."You will be bald before you are 30" my mum would predict (Thanks mum!).</em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Bitstream Charter, Times, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"> Did I answer them? Of course not! Were they aware of the current hair trends?? Did they expect me to still be doing shuku or koroba to School?? I basically ignored them and did my thang! Fast forward years on, I finished School, went to serve, got a job and got married. I started noticing my hairline wasn't keeping up with the rate I was traumatizing it, It wasn't growing back as fast as it was breaking!! Small survey I carried out revealed that natural Indian hemp was good for hair growth. I started harassing Oga to get Indian hemp for me to treat my hairline (I had no idea where to get some but that didn't deter me at all).</span></span></em><br />
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<em> Initially, he said okay just to get me off his back, but when he realised I meant business, he had to break it to me hard. "Willow, how will it look if the Police raided at the time I was buying the hemp and arrest me? Do you think they will believe me if I explained to them that the hemp is meant for my wife's hair? you know the nature of my work now". True, the man had a point there! (Hmmmm......I seriously doubted Oga would have changed his mind if I had made a promise to come and bail him).The worst part was finding a stray strand or two of facial hair . "What are you doing there?" I would ask it/them, "Why didn't you liaise with your counterparts on top? If you weren't so lazy you should have found your way to my hairline and not to my face. Mschewww!! See wastage!</em><br />
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<em>D1 also did major damage as a baby, always pulling my hair and using it to prop himself up on my laps or chewing it. I got fed up about the whole hair thing and decided to chop it off to give it a rest. Then I started texturizing it, hoping the whole hair would eventually co-operate, hold hands and grow together o! For where?? After a year of maintaining short hair and not seeing a lot of improvement, I started braiding it again to grow it back.</em><br />
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<em> Enters Iya Titi, my home service" hair stylist". She was good with braids and she was very fast but she had this habit of picking all the tiny strands of hair of my hairline and braiding them. Tears would well up in my eyes (it was that painful!) when she was braiding them.</em><br />
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<em> Me: Iya Titi! Leave my frontal hair now! </em><br />
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<em> Iya Titi: The hair won't look neat o!</em><br />
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<em> Me: Leave it! You want more to fall out?? Please don't turn me bald in broad daylight!</em><br />
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<em> Iya Titi: Don't worry, the way I'm braiding it won't cut your hair.</em><br />
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<em>Me: Are you sure?</em><br />
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<em> Iya Titi: Yes now, you can trust me.</em><br />
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<em> I really shouldn't have!!! She betrayed my hairline! Of course the hairline receded when I loosened the braids!! The last straw was when she did Ghana weave for me, by the time I loosened the hair and saw her handi work again, I just deleted her number from my phone! I decided to look inwards and start using the Salon in my area. I tried one and I was impressed with their work. This Salon was okay for a while until the time they did braids for me too....... I stopped going there. Hmmmmm......I suspect there is a State wide conspiracy to baldify me at all cost!!!</em><br />
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<em>My quest for a new Hair Salon continued. Fortunately, there was this Hair Salon that opened not too far from my Shop, I decided to try my luck there. The owner, a lady, was very good! She had male hair stylists as well which was a plus in my books, I was quite impressed ( y'all know most male hair stylists are better than their female counterparts!). She was about my age, quite friendly and very pretty. She was married with 3 kids. I noticed She was quite chatty as well.</em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Bitstream Charter, Times, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">After a few visits to her Salon, She decided to confide in me. Her husband was giving her stress and she wasn't happy. He was having an extra-marital affair. The sad part of the whole story was the other woman was living in her husband's Hotel. I advised her to seek a Marriage counselor and be prayerful. A few weeks later, on my next visit to her Salon, She gave me an update on her marital crises. She revealed that she had been going to different Churches for a solution.</span></span></em><br />
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<em> In one particular Church someone referred her to, which was outside Lagos, She was told to fast for a particular period of time, then carry a calabash at midnight to a particular spot by herself and start praying against all those not allowing her to enjoy her matrimonial home (She mentioned earlier that her Mother-In-Law and some elderly Aunties from her husband's side of the family encouraged her husband to see other women because they never liked her).</em><br />
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<em> So when she got back from her "prayer session", She heard news that one of the Aunties had been wounded in an Okada accident (a broken leg) and another one was also wounded when a Wardrobe in her room fell on her.'Oh crap!!' Thinks I, this woman has spoilt show for me once again! And my hair was beginning to "bond" with her Salon peeps o! *sigh* I mentally crossed off her Salon from my mind. Abi na just coincidence and not potent jazz that caused those accidents?? I will forever wonder because I never went back to find out o! I stopped going there sharp! Sharp!</em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Bitstream Charter, Times, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I eventually called my friend who initially introduced me to Iya Titi and got back Iya Titi's number. I started patronizing her again and she started taking it easy with my hairline. She recently got me what I've wanted in a long while, Indian hemp and shea butter combo!!! (Home made y'all!).It seems to be working and I think I can see the results already (or I'm deceiving myself as usual).</span></span></em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-35095460142258123652012-12-20T12:29:00.000-08:002012-12-23T13:43:21.719-08:00New year resolution review<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>For the first time in history,I actually wrote down my new year resolution in January 2012 as against mentally storing them somewhere, so now I get to review how I fared....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>1.</b> Church attendance, prayers and daily Bible study must improve this year.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>Performance</b> : hmmm....let me tell the truth and shame the devil, Church attendance is still somewhat erratic, prayer time has improved, but I really do need to create a "me time" for Bible study.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>2</b>. Show more patience and understanding to my darling kids (sulking at them for throwing tantrums is now a thing of the past).</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Performance</b>: ha ha ha ha! I must have been high on sontin when I wrote that! All I know is that my white tuft of hair has increased this year, and no, I didn't dye my hair.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>3</b>. I need to be more flexible to accommodate Oga's skills in flexibility. (He can have 20 options for one scenario!)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Performance:</b> I must award myself an A plus for that. Oga changing his plan several times at the last minute doesn't upset me like it used to.....</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>4.</b> Deliberately ignore some of my nanny's skoin skoin and concentrate on her good points.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Performance</b>: Yay! No more skoin skoin because she has finally left! Oh Joy!</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>Performance</b>: To be honest,the first 6 months of the year was spent not following this resolution, but no thanks to boko haram scare of mass poisoning through suya spices, I'm officially cured! I refuse to be a scapegoat! Not forgetting the suya portions that keep shrinking every time I buy suya .</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>6.</b> Exercise more regularly and eat healthy foods as well (Red Velvet cake and fast-food joints I rebuke y'all!) </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>Performance:</b> It started very well initially, but the last couple of months has been exercise free and fast food loaded. Red velvet cake surfaced like twice throughout the year (yay!). I need to discipline myself better in respect of my exercise regime OR eat less fast food.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>7</b>. Stop avoiding Third Mainland bridge! (stay in the middle lane and put on hazard lights and I'm very sure no one will bother me). </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>Performance: </b>pele o speed</i></span></span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"> racer<b>,</b> Next point please!</i></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>8.</b> Expand my business and look for ways to earn extra income .</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><i><b>Performance:</b> I've tapped into the food Business the last few months of this year to earn extra income, hopefully the Business will grow bigger with time, I just need to exercise patience.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>9.</b> Remember the needy and try and touch someone's life positively. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Performance:</b> Thank God I've been able to do that, however small it was.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>10. Learn to appreciate both my nuclear and extended families more, no matter what. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Performance:</b> Errrrrm...they are the ones that can answer that, but I think I did sha.</i></span></div>
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willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-4782140110685757122012-12-20T09:26:00.001-08:002012-12-20T09:26:13.963-08:00My rival the bitch...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Oga and I were courting, I knew he had a passion for Agriculture, Farming and I knew he also loved animals, especially dogs. I didn't have a problem with that because I liked dogs as well. When we got married, he kept one or two dogs but it was difficult caring for them properly because of work so he had to get rid of them, but his dream of breeding dogs never died. By then I couldn't be bothered about caring for dogs because I was expecting our first baby, D1 and I wasn't really keen on caring for dogs especially the cleaning up part!</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Years later, Oga managed to balance work and his passion i.e. dog breeding, but on a small scale ( plus jamming awoof luck of having a nanny that loves dogs as well, Mscheeeew!). I didn't have any problem with that either. </span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">The problem started when things started disappearing from the kitchen.... Pots, cooking spoons, stainless steel tray, raw rice, Mama Lemon, dish sponge, kerosene, palm oil, pepper, milk, golden morn etc. I've even had instances when I would see strange concoctions cooking on my gas cooker. If it wasn't for my constant nagging to Oga to get rid of the dogs I'm sure those dogs will be sleeping inside the house with us and demanding equal rights and treatment!</span></span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The kind of havoc they cause na the expensive type. Oga just turns the other cheek. There was a time I was away on holiday with the kids and Oga was home by himself. He ran some laundry which was mostly his vests and left them outside overnight (like 10 of them with a very thick towel). He unchained the dogs for the night and totally forgot to barricade where he spread his laundry to dry. He met rags on the floor the next day. They shredded the vests and towel like confetti! I got a frantic call from Lagos that morning....</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: How are you dear, wassup?</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Oga: Did I wake you up dear? Sorry o, I just wanted to talk to you and the kids.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: (Gbeborun radar up and alert!) But you don't normally call this early, is anything wrong?</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Oga: Not really, just that I'm going to need some new vests please help me get some.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Okay,like how many?</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oga: Like 12 or so.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: But you just got some news ones not too long ago,why do you need so many again?</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oga: Errrm......Kii and Arr ate some of my new vests that I forgot outside.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I laughed and laughed tire! If not that he needed my help to get new vests he would have swept the whole episode under the carpet without my knowledge!</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oga: Oh! Please help me get an extra towel as well .</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Me: They chopped your towel too? I can't laugh!</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> The day I knew those dogs' days were numbered was when Kii got pregnant and Oga threw caution to the wind. Planning daily menu with the nanny on her feeding, buying Pregnacare for her, taking up all my freezer space to store chicken neck packs for Kii, using my kerosene and gas to cook her meals. Hmmmmm thinks I, 'the only thing wey remain na for this dog to wear nightie and hairnet and sleep on bed o! Kii don become my rival.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One fateful evening, Kii refused to eat and the nanny duly reported to Oga. Oga went outside to check on her. He was taking forever to come back in so I went to check what was happening. I met Oga feeding shicken neck to Kii one by one! Hian! Wetin be dis na? Oga never fed me like this when I was pregnant and didn't have appetite,whish kain rival be dis? "Kii" I swore silently to myself, "I will make sure you leave this house!"</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Luckily for Kii I didn't have to take drastic actions to get rid of her, Oga had arranged alternative accommodation for Kii just before she put to bed. Hurray!!! Thank you Lord! But wait o, I suspect Oga sensed my animosity towards Kii and feared for her safety or was it a coincidence???</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">P.s: One of my favorite posts as well, #OKBYE.</span></em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-79565357169305044002012-12-17T07:27:00.000-08:002012-12-23T14:19:16.419-08:00Unwelcome guests....Arrrgh!<br />
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<em>Oh my goodness! I really need to vent! Talk about unwelcome guests, who hasn't had them before? I'm sure a lot of people have had nasty experiences with them at one time or the other. If your answer is negative, then you are being economical with the truth. They can be so difficult to get rid of! Don't get me wrong o, I'm very a very warm and accommodating person on a good day, but there's a limit to what one can accommodate and I doubt if anyone likes being taken for granted all the time (I'm sooo upset!) .</em><br />
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<em>Today one of them will come over, the next visit, you see two of them. I didn't mind really, after all "entertaining" them wasn't going to break the bank so to speak, as long as they didn't come with their whole family I wasn't really bothered (One would think at my age I should know better).</em><br />
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<em>My displeasure surfaced when they started getting too familiar and even started acting as if they contributed to the rent and upkeep of the house (co-tenant by force! Mscheeww!!). They became a big nuisance, especially in respect of food (Yeah, I'm a fantastic cook) always in the kitchen and forever looking for anything to eat. Sometimes, It's almost as if they have internal radars that go off automatically when I've just finished cooking, that's when they turn up! Is it that my house is now fast food joint or buka ni? They are so shameless!</em><br />
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<em>They just kept coming back, haba!!! That aside, you won't believe I've even had instances where I've caught them checking out the bedrooms upstairs! Even Nan's room isn't left out. So nosy! It's like there's no word like "boundary" in their dictionaries ( that is if they have one sef!). What kind of over familiarity is that?? Oga has been pretending not to see what has been happening, that's his way of saying "Willow it's your headache, please sort it out and don't involve me". I don't blame him though, after all he warned me initially when he noticed them always turning up and I didn't act decisively then *sigh*.</em><br />
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<em>Thank God I've finally had enough of them and I've taken necessary actions to end their menace. If I hadn't done it, I would have been overwhelmed in my own home. Although all my initial, subtle actions to get rid of them didn't work, I've had to take more drastic measures to see them off for good. </em><br />
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<em>It might seem harsh, but frankly that's the only workable option left for me......... They all have to die. Yep! I'm gonna poison them all!</em><br />
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<em>Dirty, stinking rats and roaches! Dem no respect me in that house at all!! Thunder fire them!!</em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Bitstream Charter, Times, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"> p.s: like I mentioned yesterday, this is one of my favorite old posts from WordPress.</span></span></em></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-57771678843874073062012-12-16T15:27:00.004-08:002012-12-23T13:52:03.746-08:00Random stuff...<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't believe how fast we are going through December. Frankly I think I'm done with December, there were just too many people passing on, kilode??? God help us all. It's been one thing or the other at my end, but I'm hoping with D1 and his sidekicks a.k.a siblings on holiday I will be able to blog on a more regular basis (ha ha ha!). That will be the day Dame Patience will stop shelling.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Meanwhile to make up for my lack of new posts these last few days, I will devote this week to posting a few of my favorite posts from my Word press site. The URL is http://overwhelmednaijamum.wordpress.com. Unfortunately, I still can't figure out what I did wrong when I opted to shorten the name of my Wordpress blog, so I don't think my posts for the past 11 months is accessible again (only my last 5 posts or so is). P.S: Readers' comments/ input are welcome :)</span></i>willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-42406878922191957262012-12-08T11:59:00.000-08:002012-12-08T12:02:58.209-08:00Who Nose? *shrugs*<i><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know the title sounds cheesy, abeg bear with me, that was the first thing came to mind.</span></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />About 3 Sundays ago, I caught this cold bug going round and it was so bad that I wasn't myself for a while. I couldn't smell or taste anything, In fact there was a point where I had to start breathing through my mouth since my nose was blocked. Oh the shame! I'm sure people were wondering why a grown woman was going round with her mouth partially open.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Men! That was when I started appreciating what God gave me that I didn't really appreciate before. So in my usual style I decided to weigh the pros and cons of having a non-performing nose (smell wise)....enjoy! </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> THE PLUS SIDE. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 1.Say goodbye forever to the smell of urine soaked, open drainage and stinking public toilets. If you are caught breaking traffic laws in Lagos, you can easily opt to wash the public toilets because you can't smell jack!</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2.Say goodbye to the horrible, sweaty smell of your colleague's suit that he has refused to dry clean for the past 3 months ( what the heck is he doing with his salary? Stingy goat! mschewww! ). Or that guy sitting too tightly beside you on the bus sweating profusely in his unwashed suit in our hot, hot,sun. Oh! Not forgetting the conductor's armpits too when he's busy stretching his arms over your head ( thereby exposing overgrown, unwashed, hairy armpits in the process) to collect his fare or give out change. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 3. Say au revoir to stinky diapers forever! In fact you are qualified to work full time in a creche with that kind of special errr.. powers. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 4. Goodbye to office farts,bedroom farts, car/bus farts and thankfully, your farts too! (Yes, yours,don't lie!!) what you can't smell can't assault your nose. </span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>5. Goodbye to unwanted temptations. There you are coming from work jejely,carefully planning how to stretch your last #1,000 to last you through the week for transport and suddenly, the tantalizing smell of Suya gently wafts by from that Suya man's stall...... what you can't smell can't tempt you either.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> 6. Yeah and that your friend with incurable dragon breath?? Worry no more 'cos your bread is buttered from that end forever! Men! You can even gist for hours....in a confined space without you passing out from the smell or hyperventilating. </i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i> 7.If you trap any rat in your house and it decides to spitefully crawl into a tight, unreachable corner to die, you are spared the number of days it will take it to dry up and stop smelling (oh bliss!). </i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> However, the down side of not being able to smell.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> THE MINUS. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 1. Burnt offering galore,especially when it escapes your mind that you have something cooking on the Burner. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 2. You step on crap and you can't sniff it till you notice peeps are avoiding you or crossing to the other side when they are almost near you.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 3.House is burning and neighbours are fleeing for their lives, how una go sabi know when your nose no dey percieve smell?? </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> 4.And that dodgy food which has been in the fridge for some time, it looks absolutely okay vision wise but smells horrid ( ooopsy!! I forgot....you can't smell! ),you wolf everything down and It's not until you wake up during the night with the urge to purge ( I rhymed!!) that you will remember that the food you ate was somehow somehow!</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Based on the analysis above I will rest my case in favor of having an efficient nose. why? very simple .....na so person go do long throat chop sontin wey go wound person abi? No thanks.</span></i></div>
willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-88524263263391602892012-12-06T21:36:00.000-08:002012-12-23T14:36:58.507-08:00Moving House...<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been blogging for about a year now, Its been therapeutic to say the least,my own little bubble I escape to when I need to write down what's on my mind,be it funny,serious,annoying,hilarious etc.All the while I've always blogged with WordPress. However, their efizi too mush!Kilode?? I had so many issues familiarizing myself with all the different stuff included on the dashboard.</span></i><br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSYEE90RNEal6gULMW2ojXnBF_m1Jn8koyp9GRhfSkG7gB3M0DY_fbMaV0" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSYEE90RNEal6gULMW2ojXnBF_m1Jn8koyp9GRhfSkG7gB3M0DY_fbMaV0" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All I want to do is blog....simple! No efizi. I actually enjoyed WordPress, but I am hoping my experience with Blog spot will be less technical and more straight forward and user friendly, which is why I'm moving house.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've still not been able to figure out how to move my Ninety something Posts from WordPress to Blog spot (going through the instruction gave me something akin to a mini headache and I'm not even sure it's possible to move them).Sooo, what I'm going to do is re-post some of my favorite Posts on WordPress to my new home, sort of like furnishing a new house with some of your favorite pieces of old furniture. I will also post a link from my old account here as well. </span></i><br />
<br />willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3477099822303377442.post-73039209195054728652012-12-06T04:57:00.000-08:002012-12-06T04:57:35.976-08:00Things you musn't ever try with Children....<i><i>Warning......loooong post (yah! that's to make up for my loooong absence :))<br />
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Over the years, I have learnt some home truths.... from children, especially from my 'mini posse'. I will list the memorable ones and the ones that happened to other ...errr....adults.<br />
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1. Asking about your size/weight: If you want an honest opinion about your size, ask a child no older than age 7. If you want to be deceived about it, ask a child older than 7. You see, if you pick any child above that age, the child is already savvy enough to use diplomacy to answer your direct questions. But, If the child is below 7,S/he will answer your questions with painful honesty,all the pain is felt by you whilst all the honesty is from the precious one (especially when you assure him/her that there's no repercussion for speaking the truth). eg<br />
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Me: D1, Am I fat? <br />
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D1: Yes you are. *brief pause* just a bit fatty orobo, but around your tummy is very big. You need to reduce your big tummy and the amount of food you eat *reaching out and playfully gripping my mini love handles for emphasis*<br />
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Shuo! <br />
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Simple question and I got an epistle and demonstration! Hmmmm...I suspect he must have had that on his mind for a loong time and was dying for me to ask him. <br />
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2. Gossiping in their presence: Never, ever gossip/ disparage anyone in front of children. Lots of adults make these simple but wrong assumptions. <br />
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A. Ah! Won o gbor Yoruba ( the children don't understand the native language we are gisting with).<br />
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B. They are watching TV or playing game on ipad i.e they are not tuned in on your gist. <br />
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C. They have no clue who you are talking about. <br />
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D. They can't remember all the specifics of the insults/gossip jor!<br />
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Ha! Ha! Ha! Fast forward to a few weeks later and the subject of your gossip happens to show up at your house. You excuse yourself to get some refreshment for him/her. <br />
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Ola (Your child): Uncle M?<br />
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Uncle M: Yes Ola? <br />
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Ola: Is your head paining you? <br />
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Uncle M: No, why are you asking such a funny question?<br />
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Ola: Mummy's friend, Aunty D, told my mummy that you must have been dropped on your head as a baby which is why you are not very sharp. <br />
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And there you are, making your re-entrance with the tray of refreshments and over hearing your child's last statement.<br />
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Awkward!!<br />
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3.Allowing them to sleep in your bedroom: They are like the proverbial wolf that wanted to warm only his paws and ended up entering the house fully. They take over your space and even put their mark on it. As if that isn't bad enough, you start hearing statements like " Mummy,when are you coming to bed?", " Mummy move, you are squashing me now!" Am I married to them or their dad? I can't shout. I am going to board some people very, very soon.<br />
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4. Not practising what you preach : Anytime they are studying for their tests and Exams, I always lecture them " you had better turn off the TV so you won't be distracted, If you like don't answer me, If you don't do well that will be very embarrassing for you o! So when I was reading for my Ticketing and Reservation Exams, I was in "our room" reading and watching TV at the same time. D1 strolled in, glanced at me briefly, then turned off the TV. I felt my mouth open in disbelief. <br />
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Then he quickly said "Mummy you know you are studying for your exams, the TV will be disturbing you and I won't want you to fail". Hian! Wetin I go talk after dat?? I held my peace.<br />
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5.Emitting errr... embarrassing sounds from your person: Do not, I repeat, do not make the mistake of deliberately/erroneously releasing any form of gaseous, bodily noise when children are around you. If you feel the urge, abeg grip that area hard or excuse yourself to use the Restroom. If you do it and they sniff it (especially the silent but heavy type that seem to linger forever) you are marked in their brains for life! Let me give you a scenario....<br />
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Aunty Eunice comes visiting and did the dreaded "F" thing accidentally, in the presence of the children X and Y( boy and girl). The next time Aunty Eunice comes over, they make themselves scarce within seconds. Their mum goes to call them from their room. <br />
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Mum: Ahn! Ahn! X! Y! Have you no manners? Come and greet Aunty Eunice .<br />
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X: Uhn! uhn! *Shaking his head and automatically covering his nose* <br />
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Mum: Why now? <br />
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X: The last time she came, she farted and the whole place was smelling. She might fart again! <br />
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Y: * facing her brother X and looking puzzled* I thought Aunty Eunice poopooed on herself?<br />
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X: *facing his sister Y* No she didn't, she just farted smelly fart.<br />
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Analysing the whole matter! Wetin person fit talk again?? Ehn? <br />
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6. Generously helping yourself to their sweets and treats when they offer you some: Sincerely, from the bottom of their tummies, their intention is to give you just one of the treats if it's countable e.g Smarties and a very small bit if its not e.g chocolate bar. If you generously help yourself to it, you are on your own.<br />
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Don't be surprised when the next time they see you they quickly hide their treats or when you go "Hello children, do you remember me?" And they reply in loud chorus "Yes! Uncle X that finished our Smarties the other time you came to our house!".<br />
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Any unforgettable lessons learnt from kids? Please feel free to share.<br />
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</i></i>willowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00850117161987831256noreply@blogger.com0